In last week’s blog post I mentioned a 4-part formula that can be helpful during the difficult transition period that many newlyweds experience. The fourth part was keeping the commandments, and one of the 10 commandments, as found in the scriptures (Exodus 20:3-17 and Mosiah 12:35-35, 13:15-24), is “thou shalt not commit adultery”. I'd like to talk about this a little more in depth since this week's topic pertains to marriage again; specifically, how to protect one.
I know I'm getting religious again by referencing one of the ten commandments, but even if you've never heard of them before or don't believe in God you most likely agree with the seventh one, which encourages people to not cheat on their spouses. In their book Marriage and Family: The Quest for Marital Intimacy Lauer and Lauer touch on the majority of people's opinions towards extramarital sex. They said, "polls over the past decade consistently show that more than 90 percent of Americans believe that extramarital sex is morally wrong. And only a third of Americans say they would forgive a spouse who had an affair" (p. 95). Basically, fidelity within a marriage is very important to people, and it should be, because infidelity has many negative impacts.
So in order to build up our defenses against the things that can potentially tear a marriage apart, we must first understand what these things are.
Affairs can be divided into four categories based on emotional or physical involvement and the level of relational attachment. First, there are fantasy affairs, which includes flirting online or fantasizing about someone other than your spouse. A fantasy affair is a good example of how there doesn't always have to be two people for infidelity to occur. Then there are visual affairs which largely involve pornography. This is the most common type of affair since it can be accessed through multiple different media formats. Next we have romantic affairs which occur when someone becomes emotionally involved with someone other than their spouse. This type of affair typically comes about due to one's desire to escape their boring, everyday life. Lastly, there are sexual affairs. This one is very similar to a romantic affair, except it happens with or without emotional attachment.
Since thoughts eventually turn into actions we must be extra vigilant over what we allow to dwell on our minds and in our hearts, especially once we're married and have a family because the consequences of our actions ripple out and affect the people closest to us.
The best way to take preventative action against infidelity is by being on guard and being fiercely loyal. Being on guard means setting boundaries, even if those boundaries seem ridiculous like not going to lunch or taking breaks with the same person from work over and over, or resisting the urge to rescue a person who pours their heart out to you. Boundaries like this may seem frivolous, but you should never underestimate your ability to develop emotional attachment to someone other than your spouse.
Being fiercely loyal means acknowledging that it takes more than just loving your spouse enough to keep the marriage safe. It's all about commitment. Another important part of being fiercely loyal is putting your spouse first. The chances of a marriage being susceptible to an affair are greatly reduced when the relationship with a spouse takes precedence over everything else.
To wrap my thoughts up on this important topic I'd like to share this quote by Dave Willis...
"Couples who make it aren't the ones who never had a reason to get divorced; they are simply the ones who decided early on that their commitment to each other was always going to be bigger than their differences and flaws." -Dave Willis
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