When couples focus on what's best for their happiness and the strength of the relationship they are better prepared for marriage.
A wedding is a significant event. The exact activities that take place at a wedding may vary depending on the cultural background and traditions of the couple, but generally speaking weddings include a fancy ceremony, lots of guests, and a big reception with food and decorations. Last year the average wedding in the U.S. cost $33,000. I can imagine that something with a price tag that big comes with an equally large amount of stress. Some couples might say that the money and stress are worth it since you only get one big wedding day like that in your life, but are they getting too caught up in trying to please their guests and wanting to throw an elaborate party? I think people would be surprised to realize how simplified their wedding and budget would be if they just focused on what would make them happiest on their special day.
Not only does focusing on what makes you and your partner happy help ease the wedding planning process, it is also great preparation for starting a marriage off strong and continually nurturing it as time goes on. After all, the marriage is what’s most important.
A sad but very real statistic is that a couple’s chances for divorce are highest within the first two years of marriage. Why is that? Transitioning into married life can be difficult. There are lots of changes to adjust to including new responsibilities, dealing with finances, and getting to know your spouse even more now that you live together/spend more time together. This transition period can be made easier if couples follow a 4-part formula outlined by Spencer W. Kimball (president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1973 to 1985) in a speech he gave at Brigham Young University on September 7, 1976.
Getting married and starting a family is like building a house – they both require a good foundation. President Kimball’s first tip for marital happiness is having a proper approach towards marriage, which means selecting a spouse “who reaches as nearly as possible the pinnacle of perfection in all the matters which are of importance to the individual”.
Second, husband and wife must be unselfish. Love and sacrifice are closely intertwined. There is no greater way to express your love for someone than to freely give up your time, energy, and desires for the sake of making your partner happy.
As years go by houses require maintenance so that the roof, walls, windows etc. continue to do their job and do it well. The third way to have and maintain a successful marriage is to keep dating. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you know everything about your significant other. As kids come along there is less time for a husband and wife to spend together, so it’s important that they continue to date to keep the love alive and growing.
The fourth key to marital happiness that President Kimball talked about is keeping the commandments. For those who are not religious the commandments include things like being honest and being faithful to your wife or husband. I believe that keeping the commandments translates pretty well into the vows that most couples make with each other when they get married. So basically, be true and live up to the promises you made to your partner.
The family is the most important social unit on the earth, and a happy family begins with a happy marriage. There is probably a million resources we could go to for marriage advice, but I think that these four principles give us a good start on the path towards a long and happy marriage. Lastly, I’d like to mention one more way building a house and getting married are similar. Construction projects of any kind always start with plans or blueprints. So, when you spend all that time planning for the wedding, don’t forget to plan for the marriage too.
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