If you've ever played the Telephone game, or the board game version called Telestrations which includes drawing pictures, then you'd most likely understand why I'm going to be using it as an example while we discuss one of the most important and complex aspects of any relationship known to mankind.....communication!
Communication can happen more ways than we think. It takes place verbally, nonverbally, through touch, and even through clothing. Communication is basically the process of sending, receiving, and interpreting coded messages. You would think that if you spoke the same language as the person you were communicating with then there would be no "coding" involved. But there is. That's why communication is so complex, which is why it's important to educate ourselves on the matter so we can experience more satisfying communication in our relationships.
Going back to the basics of the communication process, there are numerous ways in which static gets in and messes up the message. A few of these ways are through the sender, the media of transmission, and the receiver. In the Telephone game the main source of static comes from the fact that everyone has to pass the message/word along in a very quiet voice. Of course people are going to misinterpret the message if it's whispered to them! However, static in real life scenarios might not be as obvious. For example, if a person is unsure of their feelings it might be difficult for them to communicate effectively. They might think that what they're saying is clear, but the recipient might think that what they just said was too ambiguous.
A good example of static in the media which we use to transmit messages is the difficulty a lot of people experience when trying to have conversations over text. In texts, emails, and other forms of online messaging nonverbal communication (body language, facial expressions, etc.) are completely removed. We might have emojis to use as a substitute but still, the chances for our message being misinterpreted go way up because of the static involved with texting. At least that's the problem I personally face when I spend 30 minutes writing and rewriting a response because I don't know if the person I'm talking to was joking or being serious.
And lastly, the receiver can be a source of static by filtering the message through their own feelings and ideas. As you can imagine we can fall into that habit a lot easier than we think, especially if we feel like we know the other person extremely well and can confidently assume what they're thinking and feeling. Despite how well you know a person, you shouldn't assume things.
It's important to practice effective communication skills within our relationships, which include trying to be a better listener, looking out for the things that impede satisfying communication, and communicating not only about big problems but about everything.
But when the big problems do come around, kind of like a family crisis that I talked about last week, an effective way to work through it is by counseling together. A term often associated with marriage and other relationships is "compromise". There will always be something that two people will disagree on, so the solution that most come to results in one, or both people, giving up something. Sometimes a compromise is needed and, depending on the situation, is a good outcome, but a better outcome is if a couple can reach a consensus. This way both people can agree on something without necessarily having to give up anything.
A good way to reach a consensus is to counsel together. And when it comes to making decisions/discussing issues that affect the whole family, involve the whole family! A family council can follow any format you'd like as long as it accomplishes the goal of finding solutions to the topics of discussion. An effective way to start a council, though, is by expressing love and appreciation for one another.
Since communication is such an important topic in marriage and family there's probably a lot more that could be said than what I touched on today. So I hope that understanding the basics and the idea that communication itself is very complex and intricate will be helpful in establishing healthy and satisfying communication patterns in your relationships.
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